Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
