he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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