R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
