mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
