Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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