so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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