can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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