how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
