so explain again why im purple
no
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
