I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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