dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
