He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
