Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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