I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
