my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
