He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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