You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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