Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
