mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
