I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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