im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
