Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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