My sheets look like a crime scene.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
