i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just had sex on a roof
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
