What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i will never coherently bang her
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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