Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
