Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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