Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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