hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
