maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
