Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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