Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
