Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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