So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
