i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need a beard to bite.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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