The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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