he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
