drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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