good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
