y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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