After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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