girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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