Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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