my vag is so smooth its legendary
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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