You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
