I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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