Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
