I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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