I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
