i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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