I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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