his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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