you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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