I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
