I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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