She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
