My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
