I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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