I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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