This girl is more easily done than said...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
