One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
