i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I just put wine in my tea
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
