ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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