That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
