I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
