Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
