1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
