Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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