dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you inspire me to be a worse person
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
