if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
