A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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