i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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