Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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