Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
