it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
