He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
