Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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