Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
